Facebook Friend Diversity

I was signing in to my various social media accounts over the weekend, when I noticed that my friend count was way below the average of my ‘main’ friends. Scrolling through the list of names on Facebook, I was ashamed to admit, that my group of friends were not as diverse as I’d like. I feel racist, unclean.

I quickly made a list of the types of friends I still needed, the list became quite long, and it was apparent that I wouldn’t be able to achieve this in any realistic time-line. So I shortened it. I guess I’ll have to advertise on Craig’s List or Gumtree or something.

The Rundown:

Midget BFF1.  A midget or other dwarfism afflicted individual.
You may have seen my Facebook update last week about how I saw a ‘little person’ on the bus. She was Asian too; I should have asked her out for coffee. When I was a child, I saw a dwarf every now and then, I can’t remember if it’s my brain idealising this time of my life, but I’m pretty certain that I saw at least one per year. Nowadays sightings are vary rare, and although I’m aware that I may not hang out at dwarfy places, it seems a bit weird that they’ve all moved out of Perth.

2. An amputee.
I have a friend with only half a thumb, but that doesn’t count – I didn’t even notice it for the first three years that I knew her. That’s how accepting I am. But I need an extremity – that’s more real. I am interested about how it happened, if they can feel the phantom limb, and also what cool types of prosthetic they use. I read a story about a model born without legs, and she had these awesome carved wooden ones made, and she chose her height of 6 feet tall. Needless to say, the other models were jealous.

3. An albino.
I have very dark friends, but no very light ones. I mean, there are the blonde ones but they don’t count – how many of them are even really blonde? None, I expect. I know that I will only be able to visit this new friend in the dark, but that’s ok too because I like candlelight. I also really like sunscreen, so if they really need to come out during the day, they can use some of my super sunscreen.

4. Someone with Tourette’s Syndrome.
I know that this isn’t as funny as the way it’s depicted in films, but still it would be fascinating. Usually, to overcome thisMy Albino Friend shortfall in my friends circle, I will intentionally start small fights, usually about religion, the definition of irony or just go against someone’s viewpoint, arbitrarily of course. This usually sparks a Tourette-like response.

5. Someone who used to be in a cult.
And not a mainstream one, like Christianity, but a wacky one, where everyone is everyone’s brother and sister but are also their own Aunts and Uncles. What the hell do they call each other? Mustercle? Brounter? Ideally, they would have been un-brainwashed, if that’s the correct term..They still keep their memories though, right? I hope it isn’t like MIB when they do that flashy brain wipe thing.

Now of course, the winning move here would be one person to fit all of this. A Touretted albino one legged dwarf with daddy issues would be great.  I don’t like my chances though, it’s a small town.