Xmas? No thanks, I’ve already had a breakdown this year.

I hate conversations this time of year. With anyone. You know how it goes; “Ooh, what are YOU doing for Xtmas?” “Something boring, what are YOU doing for Xmas?”


And the same reply, year after year, person after person: “Oh.. you know.. just some family stuff.. maybe see some friends… have a few drinks to celebrate, haw haw.”


Sad Cat is Xmas SadTell it like it is, you self righteous jerks! We all know that it is the time of year to mindlessly spend money on people, 90% of which you couldn’t care less about. Think about all the Secret Santas, the extended family you have to email around about to get the correct names for, the family member that only shows up because there is free food and booze. The list goes on. What about your real family? The ones you actually spend time with during the year? Why is it time to shove them off to their respective nightmares only to enter one yourself, voluntarily?

If you walk past a door with screams coming from the other side, would you, in your right mind, enter? That is what Xmas lunch/dinner becomes. It starts off like a teen horror movie; everyone looks pretty, everyone has the best of intentions, and then, BAM. Here’s a serial killer. Well, maybe not literally, but it’s a screaming mess of the past, present and future there to bite you in the ass.

I like the Costanza way. Festivus; for the rest of us. I especially like the feats of strength physical challenge. Who doesn’t want to end the year punching someone in the face?

Ok ok, I can see that OBVIOUSLY I don’t get the “Holiday Spirit’ or whatever. But is it too much to ask that people just refrain from being douchebags just a little bit, throughout the year, instead of concentrating all the cheer on one day? An entire day of cheer is un-natural at best.

I say, if you don’t know/have any kids to buy dangerous toys for, then Xmas is no place for you. It’s basically a day to mess with the mental wellbeing of children, convincing them of an imaginary friend in a weird red and white suit, while simultaneously telling them that the voice in their head that makes them eat dirt is WRONG.


Of course, it’s always good if you get a good present. From someone you aren’t hiding from. But then what if your present to them isn’t as good? Then, they’ll just bide their time, waiting to get you a foot spa for your birthday. The one present that everyone hates.

I do like the time off though, and the after drinks drinks, and the cheer.

..Wait. 🙂