America – you’ve sent zombies to us again.

I was going to rant about how crap America is in the wake of their AAA status being downgraded, but I don’t really need to point out the obvious, too much. They suck and they are going to send us all to the poorhouse. It’s obviously time to buy some guns and get a steel explosion-proof door fitted to my house.

What is the etiquette in this situation? I know there are no riots here in Perth as yet, but I’ve seen those yobs down at theZombie Child: Do not let them in either. pub, they are itching to start something. They don’t understand econo-speak so PLEASE don’t any of you try to explain it to them, they’ll get angry about whatever it is, and then when they all get drunk and forget what inflation means, they’ll just blame some celebrity or say that the Guvmint did it. Apparently a nice side effect of this USA thing is that interest rates will probably come down. But when you factor in that all those rioting losers will lose their jobs and probably don’t own houses, it doesn’t really matter.

I shall treat this time as I would if it was a zombie apocalypse, which is what I assume will happen once the 2012 thing happens on top of this economy thing. Remember, anyone that asks you for money or to stay over ‘until they get back on their feet’ is a zombie. You can make up your own mind as to which of the zombie legends of defeat are true. I for one will confuse them with my hand puppets. I hear zombies love a good puppet show, and will stop what they are doing to watch one. Just don’t anger them further with talk about the price of cigarettes and street drinking laws. All I have to do is write some original songs about how Amazon purchases won’t be as good as they were earlier this year. If that doesn’t help, I’ll bop them on the head with a mallet and run.

These unemployed zombies will choke the magazine-style news shows with public pleas for mercy. Everyone’s mum/dad/sister/brother/cat/drug addicted penguin will be asking for a handout, and some jerk TV anchor will look very concerned. My favourite one in 2009 was about a mother and daughter duo that lived together, but was getting evicted because the owner had to sell the house they lived in, he couldn’t afford to keep it. Apparently he was the devil for ‘turning away a family in need’. In addition to not charging them rent for the last week of the lease, he was also calling other properties for rent and applying for them on their behalf, AND was paying their relocation fees. But no, that wasn’t enough – they liked the area they lived in. Die bad zombies, die.