Extra-Curricular Fail

There are many awesome quotes in The Simpsons, I could write a whole post of why they are funny and how they totally fit into real life situations. One however has spoken to me a little more in the last three months than the rest.

Help me! Where am I??Homer: Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old
stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-
making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That’s because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.

Not because I was drunk, well, I was for some of it, but because learning new things DOES push old things out. I have been on a campaign of self improvement this year, not to win friends, or actually be a better person, but just so I don’t waste my life. I already waste a good deal of it by working in a full time job, so I didn’t want my ‘free’ time to be wasted as well.

Usually, when I feel poorly about myself, instead of surrounding myself with friends, I just sit on the couch and watch TV. Sometimes I will drink a bottle of wine or two while watching re-runs. This year, however was going to be different. I had a spreadsheet and everything. I had small, measureable achievable goals. Let me get to a few of the failures.

Exercise: Now, don’t get me wrong, I faithfully went to tennis and the gym a few times a week for months. I even dragged a friend along with me for the pain. I was getting fitter, I felt great. But guess what? I forgot how to go food shopping and cook for myself. I started eating take-away because when you get home from work and the gym at 7pm, all you want to do is relax. As the only cook in the house, this was an easy way to slide into disgrace.

Normally, pre exercise regime, I would cook fanciful feasts, teamed with the perfect side dishes that would rival a restaurant. (Don’t just trust me; I have reviewers who hate everything in the world except my cooking) But now, I’m lucky if I cook twice a week, and then, it’s something lame. So the skill of exercise really beat the crap out of cooking.

Acting Class: I used to go to these all the time; it’s a great way to meet people who think they are better than everyone else, and also a great way to garner undeserved praise for your ego. The praise I received was totally genuine though. I signed up for one six week course, and promptly forgot to do laundry. I’d get home at 10pm from this class and realise I had no clothes to wear the next day, and thanks to the gym, no lunch to take to work. I was so close to wearing a Halloween costume to work. Oh look, another ‘Simpsons’ reference.

Software: This was a forced activity, but it counts. I was told to learn a new piece of ‘amazing’ software at work. Now, this was the most time consuming, backwards waste of time ever and it took several full days, because of how buggy and crashy it was. So of course, no dishes were done, nor were things put away. My house looks like a retarded bear walked around picking things up and placing them in a random spot in the house. I found a cannibal fork in the bathroom, and a pile of broken glass in the laundry. I can’t even tell what the broken object is. The best one was when there was a wine glass in the fridge. Close, but not quite you retarded bear. My cat would watch me in these ‘states’ of fugue, and pass judgment. I mean, you know you’re probably in trouble when your owner absently picks up a dirty dish, inspects it, and then places it on the stove. With the other dirty dishes.

So, rather than a moral here.. I ask of you.. How the hell do you introduce a new activity to your life while maintaining basic human routines? I’m serious. Tell me.